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    England don’t get the runs in India

    WHILE England were beating South Africa 4-0 in August the mood in the camp was so bullish that people actually thought Kevin Pietersen was a Churchill-esque leader and the team were destined for knighthoods.

    But three months later, the same players are pale imitations of men and a national disgrace.

    What a difference a few defeats makes.479-46-3

    Dancing queen Darren Gough thinks it’s all to do with favouritism in selection.

    But we reckon Yuvraj Singh had a bit to do with it.

    He belted 138 not out off 78 balls as India destroyed England in the first ODI in Rajkot.

    Yuvraj’s assault was part of an Indian total of 387-5, the most ever conceded by England, who slid to 229 all out and lost by 158 runs. Oh dear.

    Maybe eyebrows should have been raised about giving him a runner though. He called one on for a ‘back injury’ when he had scored 37. He then hit 101 from 41 balls. So practically a cripple.

    India made it 2-0 in the seven-match series and that man Yuvraj managed to leap off his deathbed to hit 118 and take 4-28 as India (292-9) beat England (238) by 54 runs.

     He then walked on water, before turning it to wine.

    Sadly it’s the same old story in terms of England’s inability to play spin. India’s slowies took all nine wickets in Indore once Bell was run out. England took one.

    Like England’s ODI team itself, chubby ‘spinner’ Samit Patel has been made to look better than he is by South Africa, and worse than he is by India.

    Expect the misery to continue.


    • BIG, bad boozer Andrew Symonds has been recalled to Australia’s squad for the first test against New Zealand in Brisbane.

    Symonds explained how alcohol played its part in the increasingly erratic behaviour that culminated in him missing a team meeting to go fishing and being dropped.

    “At times, I was drinking too much and wasn’t a good bloke to be around,” he says, pointing to the overturning of Harbhajan Singh’s three-test ban for allegedly calling Symonds a monkey in January as the moment his drinking got out of control.


    • IN a move to counter all of that nasty skullduggery that goes on nowadays, yellow and even red cards could be introduced into English first-class cricket if trials at minor-county level prove successful.


    • AFTER the board president called ex-coach Geoff Lawson “useless”, the Pakistan players did nothing to contradict this by whitewashing the West Indies 3-0 in their one-day series in Abu Dhabi. Chris Gayle’s two centuries weren’t enough as Pakistan won by four wickets off the last ball in game one, 24 runs and 31 runs.

    One man who did not feature in the side was Mohammad Asif, who the PCB confirmed was detained in Dubai for possessing opium earlier this year. The fast bowler is already awaiting the conclusion of a doping case for a positive nandrolone test during the IPL in May.

    With a two-year ban imminent, he too can be dubbed “useless”.


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