LET’S face it. Top of the Pops was crap.
The only people who were sad when it died in 2006 were
mums and dads who watched it in the 70s and 80s and moaned about the music on it in the 90s.
Anyone under the age of 30 never really gave a shit, but yet again mindless campaigners are lobbying to bring the show back permanently.
Not only that but the cunning plan to make it work this time around is to make it even shitter.
“The content would be driven by ‘Top Of The Pops’ magazine and the Top 40, so would heavily feature the likes of High School Musical, Rihanna, Sugababes, Katy Perry and, yes, some ‘X Factor’ stars,” said industry plugger Dylan White.
White also suggested changing the time slot and putting it on after Blue Peter – presumably so kids could have two shit programmes to ignore that are only still going because of misplaced parental nostalgia.
TOP FIVE TOP OF THE POPS COCK UPS
NO. 5) While performing their hit ‘Jackie Wilson Said’, a backstage cock up saw Dexys Midnight Runners play in front of a huge projection of darts player Jocky Wilson instead of soul singer Jackie Wilson.
NO. 4) Mud performed with a ventriloquist dummy during a performance of ‘Lonely this Christmas’ and had the dummy lip-synch to the song.
NO. 3) When Oasis mimed to ‘Whatever’ in 1994, one of the cello players from the symphony was replaced by guitarist Bonehead, who clearly hadn’t got a fucking clue how the instrument should be played. Towards the end of the song, he gave up and used the bow to conduct.
NO. 2) In 1989, the TOTP studio director ordered no close-ups of The Cure’s Robert Smith – in case he scared children.
AND IN AT NUMBER ONE … Andi Peters.
• DO you know what music mag the NME stands for? New Musical Express.
So what the fuck are ageing dad-rockers Oasis doing with seven nominations for the rag’s annual awards ceremony?
The band are up for six accolades, including Best British Band, Best Live Band and Best Album for ‘Dig Out Your Soul’ while guitarist Noel Gallagher has, bizarrely, been nominated in the Best Dressed category along with new US President Barack Obama.
Since when did dressing like your dad become the height of fashion? The slippers we can handle but there’s no way we’re wearing a faded old Stranglers T-shirt with baked bean stains down the front.
We’re not exactly big fans of Oasis but we think it’s a bit harsh that they’ve also been nominated for the Worst Band ‘honour’ along with much more deserving candidates like the Jonas Brothers (pictured above), Scouting for Girls and Fall Out Boy.
NOEL’S QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Seven nominations, you say? Is that all? I always knew my time would come in the best dressed man in the world category.”
Ever-modest dad-rocker Noel gives his take on Oasis’ charge to the top of the NME Awards nomination list.