Alan Carr Interview

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Brisbane By Bike, Local Beer & Tapas

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Brisbane Street Games – Wizard Game

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Art talks with Birrunga Wiradyuri

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Everyone’s favourite Chatty Man, Alan Carr, is heading to Australia this August and September for with his Yap Yap Yap tour. Here we talk to the hilarious self proclaimed ‘Tooth Fairy’ about Brexit, his phobia of being eaten by sharks and how it was for him being a backpacker in Australia back in ’99.

Explore Darwin, Northern Territory

Hi Alan!
Hiya Hannah.

Are you in London?
Yeah I am.

How are you?
I’m so depressed with everything. So depressed aren’t you?

It’s awful isn’t it?
I know, I know. I was at Glastonbury last weekend and even that was downbeat. Anyway let’s not eat up your time with that about bloody Britain.

What was the reaction to Brexit at Glastonbury?
Well it was just really subdued. I mean, I was a bit flat by it, ‘cause I voted remain and then every one there was a bit down, and everyone was a bit like ‘oooh’. It was all a bit subdued, but by Sunday it was like “Brexit what?”.

So what was a highlight at Glasto for you?
Disclosure were amazing, dancing underneath that electric giant spider was good. And also Adele who was like magical, she was amazing. Yeah there was so much going on weren’t there. It was just a really good catch up as I bumped into lots of people I haven’t seen for a while, so I was having a good natter with Rita Ora and Robbie Williams, It’s like my work do, Glastonbury.

So you’ve got a very busy summer ahead of you…
Yeah I know, I know, yeah it’s all good, but it’s all sort of come at once and it’s a bit of a rush. I’ve got Canada, America, Australia, New Zealand, so I think people might be thinking I’m leaving ‘cause of Brexit, but it’s my work!

Are you sad about missing the UK summer?
What summer love? Just a little bit of sun or you know, those late summer nights up until 9pm would be great. But it’s just oppressive isn’t it. It’s just going to piss it down at any bloody moment. I think a bit of lovely sun and a glass of rosé and everybody would just feel a little bit better and chirpier. But that’s what I think anyway. Alcohol is always the answer!

I agree! So you’ve got a little break between your Melbourne and Sydney shows are you hoping to have a bit of holiday between those shows?
Yeah well last time I was over in Australia was like 1999/2000 when I was a cockney backpacker and I was sharing a room in Darlinghurst with two lesbians. So it’s going to be different for me. I’ll be saying to people “is that lovely little shop with the Thai food on Oxford Street still there?” and they’ll be like “no, that’s not there anymore”. So it’s going to be a real eye opener for me to go down memory lane. But it will be nice to do it with a little bit of money, instead of counting your bloody money and try and make it stretch over the weekend. ‘Cause Sydney, there’s so much to do there, so it’s just going to be nice to go back with a little bit of money.

So you’re taking the ‘Yap Yap Yap’ tour downunder, are you changing it up at all for the Aussie audiences?
I did a gig a few months ago in the Arctic Circle, and they’re like, “So have you changed up your material for the Arctic Circle?” and I have no idea what the Arctic Circle is, what am I meant to say, “Oooh innit cold!” I mean what can I say, I didn’t know the currency, the language. I mean there will be a few bits in there about Australia. But I don’t want anyone to come to think it’s gonna be Neighbours and Home & Away heavy. “Don’t you hate it when, I dunno, when you’re going up Ramsay Street?” Hahaha you know, “I was going across Sydney Harbour Bridge the other day”. I mean I think if you start doing that I think, “Oh come on!”

Do you have any rituals before you go out on stage?
I’ll look at a local paper and just have a little look, but nothing really. I find rituals weird. It’s that energy you have before you go out on stage. I mean with this ‘Yap Yap Yap’ tour I’ve done over 280 dates. So I’ve gone out on that stage buzzing, “King of the World, Come On!” and then the audience just haven’t engaged and I’ve come off “oooh oooh ooh I wanna top meself.” You got people there who’ve been stuck in traffic jams, miserable, or got massive tax bills or summink. But then other times you come off going “wow I love my job, I want to move to Mansfield, they love me here.” So you know it’s the energy, I find.

Do you get the same buzz when you’re doing Chatty Man?
It’s a different buzz, you see, with Chatty Man that’s two and a half hours, it’s a different energy. With stand up it’s me and the audience, and with Chatty Man it’s me and the guest. Sometimes you can’t win over a guest if they’re miserable or particularly well media trained, so it can be a bit uphill.

You’ve had some incredible guests on there can you name me your top three?
I love Rihanna and Britney, she was fun, and um and I think Lady Gaga.

And what was it like interviewing Grace Jones? Were you intimidated at all?
Oh yeah, I’m so scared of her! But you know, she’s 67, and I’ve seen her up close – well I got off with her, so I have seen her up close, but I looked and she had a mask, has she had plastic surgery and no everything moves. She’s amazing, I mean I love her! If you’re going to be a star, then act like a f*cking star, she comes down the stairs, she’s got a weird hat on, she’s lifting up her skirt, she’s talking jibberish, ‘avin a drink, getting outrageous. I think she could teach some of these younger kids how to be a bit more fun. “You’re a star, you’re on Chatty Man, let your hair down. Get off with the host. Do it.” [laughs].

What have you got planned when you get back from your mammoth tour dates?
Well Chatty Man’s back, and Ooo, I’ve got an exciting show. It’s now filming in America, which I can’t tell you about ‘til it’s done. I used to go on Twitter and mention celebrities that were coming on Friday night projects or Chatty Man and then they’d either end up going into rehab or dying, I’m like the grim reaper of social media. I’ll keep it under my hat, but I’m doing a TV show with a very special person out in LA, and all will be revealed. It’s very exciting and yeah, can’t wait!

I did read that you’re biggest phobia is to be eaten by sharks, so will you be swimming in Australia?
Well I did an interview with someone in Perth, and apparently someone’s being eaten nearly every day.

Really?
In the sea! I don’t mean they’re all cannibals. I mean I love Australia but there is no way I’m getting in that water. I tell you that for nothing! I go in a paddling pool and I flash to being eaten. I mean oh my Gawd! Honestly I’ve just come out in hives just thinking about it. Australia has the worst of just everything, you’ve got bird-eating spiders, it’s like something from Jurassic Park.

Oh don’t I watched that the other night randomly.
Was it on like ITV 4 or something?

I think so, why is it always on?
I know, I know, it’s either that or Police Academy [hysterical laughter].

So aside from Comedy, you’re also a patron for Neuroblastoma, what’s important to you about that cause in particular?
Yes, do you know what, it’s so weird, before I got involved with it I didn’t know anyone who had it, and this amazing sculptor made this sculpture of me and he asked “Do you mind if I auction it off for Neuroblastoma – it’s a child cancer.” So I said I’ll come with if you want and have a little joke and be an auctioneer as it might raise a bit more money, you never know. So I went there and I did a bit of research and it’s the biggest killer of children after leukemia and you don’t know until it’s too late. You think you’re kids got a sore abdomen or a sore back and then you don’t know until it’s too late. So I’m there, meeting people who’s kids have died. I’m in bits, I’m crying my heart out. I’m getting a bit choked just talking about it now, as it’s just so awful and I thought no one’s even heard of it. For a start it’s got a sh*t name, Neuroblastoma. I think I’ve got this wonderful platform here so I’m gonna do it, and try and get the word out. So even if you’re kid has a sore back or a sore tummy just check it. Just do it. You never know you could save someone’s life.

So have you got a message for the people that will be coming along to your shows?
Well, just pop along, and we’ll have a laugh, and a drink afterward, and I need them to show me around their lovely homes, I mean towns. I won’t be coming over. Please put that in bold. Alan does not do home visits. But just show me around and come along and give me some tips on things to do in the day. I’m not skint now so I won’t be like Oliver Twist pressing my nose up against shop windows.

Well have a great time and thanks for chatting to me!
Yes lovely to speak to you too.

Take care Alan Cheers!
Bye Bye my love!

Need Help With Your Australian Visa

Alan Carr Australia Tour Dates

22nd August – Canberra Theatre, Canberra
www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au
23rd August – QPAC Concert Hall, Brisbane
www.qpac.com.au
26th August – Thebarton Theatre, Adelaide
www.ticketmaster.com.au
28th August – Riverside Theatre, Perth
www.ticketmaster.com.au
31s t August – Hamer Hall, Melbourne
www.ticketmaster.com.au
6th September – Just For Laughs, Opera House, Sydney
www.ticketmaster.com.au

By Hannah Shakir
@hanshak

Travel to Western Australia