10 Crap Celebrities Who Should Just Give Up

We’re not usually so cruel, but we’re fed up of seeing hasbeens on our screens, in the paper, and on every celebrity gossip site, that’s why we’d like to issue this article in order to help these 10 crap celebs who should just give up and be put out to pasture in Magaluf, or Aya Napa or wherever it is Dean Gaffney probably does night club PA’s these days.

Number 1. Coolio

We hate to do this to you Coolio, as you did give up ‘Gangsters Paradise’ but Tigger please! You’re bald, you’re music’s whack and you’re planning on releasing your new video via Pornhub. Do us and your kids a favour and just grow old gracefully. Maybe give Kenan and Kel a shout and see if you can all support each other through your golden years.

Number 2. Alicia Douvall

After being pictured in the park doing squats in the park whilst wearing high heels being trained by mega loser Alex Reid’s girlfriend, Alicia Douvall is high up on our list of crap celebrities. She’s had so much plastic surgery she looks like a burn victim. Ew.

3. Robin Thicke

Ah Robin, Robin, Robin, where did it all go wrong for you? ‘Lost Without You’ was such a tune, but then you messed it all up with international chart success and faux bumming Miley Cyrus on stage. To add to the pathetic nature of all of it, you used your wife’s disdain for your cheating behaviour to try and sell more records – but sadly your album was lyrically poor, and now you should be banished back to the outskirts of Hollywood to work as a lounge singer in a run down strip club full of chubbies.

4. Lily Allen

Her new music is completely and utterly beyond sh1t, and it’s clear she’s having some sort of crisis with the rainbow hair at Glasto. The nursery rhyme style songs may have worked in the mid-noughties – but Lily, sorry we’ve all grown up and can’t stand you trying to flog songs that you’ve been singing to your toddlers to the masses… at least have the decency to leave it to the children’s tapes.

5. Lauren Harries

Aside from basing her sex-change transformation on Alicia Douvall’s look, we were very confused the other day about reading Lauren Harries interview in Closer Magazine about when she lost her virginity as a woman… a biological diagram would have been helpful.

6 & 7. Kendall & Kylie Jenner

What even are they?

8. Dappy

We’re not quite sure if he’s human – due to his uncanny resemblance to an old cum-sock, but whatever this Dappy thing is we wish it would go away. It’s very unpleasant to look at and makes weird sounds.

9. Cher Lloyd

She came, she annoyed, then she pissed off to America to pretend she wasn’t a massive X-Factor failure and now she’s marrying a hairdresser and she’s only 21. Oh and not to mention the weirdness pretending she was a mini Cheryl Cole, and then bitching about Chezza not being her friend in real life… what did you expect? It all got a bit Single White Female. Good luck to you.

10. Tulisa

The ultimate in wankerbirds, we still don’t understand how Tulisa got off scott free from her chavvy little drugs scandal. We hope this will not boost her career.