YET MORE HOLEY CRAP

YET MORE HOLEY CRAP BY Christ have you seen Courtney Love’s face these days?
Imagine the bastard love child of Leslie Ash and a Siamese cat and you’ll have an idea. We haven’t seen so much plastic since being fired from Tuppaware for putting used condoms in the containers.Anyway, the Hole frontwoman says she’s coming off anti-depressents to give her new album an angry feel.
If that’s true, pass them this way love. It’s the only way we’re going to make it through another Hole album.
“I’m off anti-depressants for the moment because my album producer wants me to feel the rage, wants me to be really angry and face the demons,” said Love.
“And I am so fucking angry! I’m getting back on them as soon as the album is finished.
“I’m a Buddhist and I chant. Whatever else is going on in my life now, I do not miss that.
“I’m not going to punch anybody but I have to do two hours of exercise a day to feel good.”
She would do three hours but the heat would make her face melt off.

DR PEPPER’S DUTCH COURAGE

WE’VE all been there. You’ve had a few too many jars watching the football, get a bit cocky with your mate from Lancashire and end up saying something like ‘if Burnley ever make the Carling Cup final I’ll shag that hairy Dutch bird in the other dorm’ confident in the knowledge it’ll never happen.Then before anyone can yell ‘Drogba you knob!’, you’re praying for Spurs to do you a favour and wondering what the Dutch is for ‘I admire a girl who doesn’t shave her armpits’ is.
Now times that scenario by a million and you’ve got the current legal stand off between Guns ‘n’ Roses and Dr Pepper, after the sewer-flavoured coke drink firm promised a free can to every American if the band got off their arses and released their 15-years-in-the-making album Chinese Democracy before the end of 2008.
Axl Rose and co duly obliged and Dr Pepper have been trying to find a way out of it ever since.
They thought they’d pulled it off as well when the company ran a website ad for 24 hours in which you had to sign up to their mailing list to get a free can, but Axl wasn’t too happy.
“Guns ‘n’ Roses didn’t seem to remember them saying they’ll give a free can to ‘every American who has access to the internet on November 27 only,” said a spokesperson.
Just why anyone would want a can of Dr Pepper, free or otherwise, remains a mystery.

• REMEMBER the battle of Britpop – Blur v Oasis and all that crap?
Remember at the time how everyone said it was unfair to compare them because the Gallaghers were on a completely different level to Damon Albarn and his band of mockney chancers.YET MORE HOLEY CRAP How prophetic those words were with Quo-Asis going on to produce album after album of plagiarized, unimaginative dog eggs that showed them up to be the one-trick ponies they really were, while Albarn went on to consistently push himself artistically with Gorillaz, Chinese operas and whatever else tickled his fancy.
That doesn’t mean Albarn isn’t still a cock by the way.
“Looking back now that fight’s all so pathetic over two really quite shit pop songs. He’s (Albarn) a great artist,” said Noel ‘I hope he dies of AIDS’ Gallagher (above).
“He’s different from me. I’m not an artist – for me, it just comes out. He does Chinese operas and that kind of thing, he’s got more strings to his bow than I’ll ever have.”
To be fair Noel, Scooter have more strings to their bow than you. Just stick to what you’re good at, being a rent-a-quote clown with a gobshite brother.