MARIAH’S DIRE AT PHYSICS

MARIAH Carey has infuriated boffins after taking her diva demands to an entirely new level this week – by re-writing one of the most famous laws of physics.
The singer called her recent album ‘E=MC2′, but rather than reference the famous equation, she declared the title stood for “emancipation equals Mariah Carey times two”.
Mathematician Dr David Leslie is upset that the singer had “misread the algebra”.
“The ‘two’ in the equation means C squared, not MC multiplied by two,” he explained. “The correct reading of the equation is E=MCC, so perhaps Mariah’s re-interpretation should have been ‘emancipation equals Mariah Carey Carey’?”
Now it’s not for us to question the singer’s scientific know-how, but unless her stupendous baps contain two extra brains we kind of think maybe the eggheads shouldn’t take her maths too seriously.
She hardly shies away from outrageous claims after all …

Mariah’s famous diva demands:
• Having 11 bodyguards surround her restaurant table so diners couldn’t see her eat.
• Mariah used to insist on flying her Jack Russell in a first class seat, until he grew too big. Now he either goes by private jet or by chauffeur-driven Mercedes.
• Checking into London’s Baglioni Hotel at 2am in the morning, she was driven around in a limo, until the hotel had rolled out a red carpet, lined with white candles, for her to make her entrance.
• Demanding a £50,000 antique table, covered with silk cloth, flown in from New York and sitting on a £1,000 throne surrounded by roses and butterflies for a signing at Selfridges.
• While making the video for Shake It Off, Mariah insisted on being carried around the set because her teetering shoes hurt her feet.

• IT SEEMS even Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich is feeling the pinch from the credit crunch.
The poor bastard, who saw his assets fall to a paltry £7 billion in 2008, can’t even afford to buy the new Kings of Leon album.
So instead he paid the clan of southern red necks (right) £300,000 to play at his private party in New York.
It’s not the first time the Chelsea chairman has splashed the cash to see his favourite stars. In June he paid frazzled singer Amy Winehouse £1 million to strut her stuff at the opening of a Moscow art gallery.
And he also forked out £200,000 for nu-ravers Klaxons to play at his daughter Anna’s birthday party in May because he couldn’t afford The Chuckle Brothers.

 

• AFTER 15 years, Tom Jones has finally learnt his lesson.
See we remember his 1993 “hit” ‘If I Only Knew’, where the Welsh crooner attempts to rap with ear-raping results.
“I bared my soul to the golden traces, went to the forest of the holy places.”
Quick question Tom, what the fuck were you on about? Not unusual my arse, it was fucking freakish.
Anyway, the hairy wonder is back again and doing what he does best – sponging off talented younger artists to keep himself in the spotlight for yet another decade.
He’s now after a colloboration with rapper Dizzee Rascal and also revealed the Arctic Monkeys are big fans.
“I like his (Dizzee’s) song, ‘Dance Wiv Me’, it’s a British rap, which is great,” said Tom. “It doesn’t have to be American to be gangster, but this is happy rap. I’d have him rapping on one of my records if it called for it.”
“[I] got talking to Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys in the pub,” Jones added.
“He was going on about ‘Love Me Tonight’, a song I did in 1969. He said, ‘That song is slamming.’ They listen to it in the dressing room before they go on.”
Probably because it’s a good way of clearing the room Tom.

WELLER’S GOING ON THE GROUND

WITH the blonde one from Girls Aloud moving to the country this week, The Sun have been speculating on which celeb will replace her in the hearts of landlords up and down London.
Blondie, or Sarah Harding as she’s also known, is the tabloid totty of choice for photographers on a night shift as she’s guaranteed to be staggering around in a short dress with a random around her arm or getting out of a taxi and flashing her knickers at 3am on any given week night.
Now she’s moved to Buckinghamshire and the crown of top pop ligger is up for grabs with bandmate Nicola “the ginger one” Roberts an early favourite.
That was before a shock contender staked a claim in the form of King of Dadrock Paul Weller.
Footage of the 50-year-old getting absolutely hammered in Prague with a 23-year-old backing singer he’s shagging, has appeared on Youtube.
They spent two hours knocking back shots of vodka before the former Jam man insisted on singing with pub guitarist Brad Huff.
Brad said: “He was really terrible. I told him he couldn’t sing. He was just kind of howling. His girlfriend was aggressive and kept blowing me raspberries. She fell off her bar stool and passed out.”
In the video Weller helps her up, but can barely stand himself. As they finally stagger to the door, Hannah falls again, crashing into a chair.
Outside they’re found lying together semi-conscious with sozzled Hannah showing her knickers.
Now that’s entertainment Paul.