SINGER PLANT LEDS THE WAY

LED Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant has been voted the greatest voice in rock by music fans.
The singer beat Queen’s Freddie Mercury, The Rolling Stones’ Mick Jagger and Scatman John from Scatman John to top spot in the poll, organised by Planet Rock.
Fair play for giving it to Plant, who may not technically be a better singer than Freddie but certainly howls the soul and spirit of rock with his every operatic octave.
We do, however, have to call into question some of the others who made it into the top 20.
Jon Bon Jovi? Peter Gabriel? No Thom Yorke? What the hell?! We know half the fun of these things is the inevitable debate that follows.
But come on, Peter fucking Gabriel?
Seeing as the only singers even remotely considered ‘modern’ in the list are James Hetfield and Bono, we have to wonder at the age demographic of the people who voted.
See what you thi
nk.

Top 20 greatest rock voices
1. Robert Plant
(Led Zeppelin)
2. Freddie Mercury (Queen)
3. Paul Rodgers (Free)
4. Ian Gillan (Deep Purple)
5. Roger Daltrey (The Who)
6. David Coverdale (Whitesnake)
7. Axl Rose (Guns N’ Roses)
8. Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden)
9. Mick Jagger (Rolling Stones)
10. Bon Scott (AC/DC)
11. David Bowie
12. Jon Bon Jovi (Bon Jovi)
13. Steven Tyler (Aerosmith)
14. Jon Anderson (Yes)
15. Bruce Springsteen
16. Joe Cocker
17. Ozzy Osbourne (Black Sabbath)
18. Bono (U2)

19. Peter Gabriel
20. James Hetfield (Metallica)

• A MYSTERY prankster has hacked into Britney Spears’ official Twitter account and left an obscene message.
A posting on the pop star’s page read, “Hi Yall! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you all on the size of my vagina. Its about four feet wide with razor sharp teeth.”
Reporters are trying to contact any man between the age of 18-82 in the Las Vegas area to confirm the message is a hoax.

• JON Bon Jovi (right) is set to help Hillary Clinton with the debt from her unsuccessful campaign to become President.
The singer will perform a fundraiser at Town Hall in New York on Thursday (January 15). If all of Bon Jovi’s fans turn out, the gig could raise as much as three-figures.

• THE LAST time we paid a woman to spend the night with us we got a massage, three gob jobs, around two minutes and 40 seconds of pumping and a dose of crabs – and still got change out of 200 baht.
So if we shelled out $1million dollars on a girl, we’d expect all that with at least a pal or two thrown in. All Colonol Gadaffi’s son got off Mariah Carey, however, was a few rounds of ‘All I Want For Christmas’ and ‘Touch My Body’ – the irony being that he didn’t get either. The loopy Libyan dictator’s lad splashed out £687,000 to get Mariah to sing at his New Year’s celebrations.
One guest said: “They all had a great time.”
Maybe, but if yo
u’re reading this Saif, you could save a lot of money and have much more fun by hiring one of the girls at Happy Massage just off the Khao San Road next time.

SATURDAYS TO SERVE SUNDAES

THE Saturdays have denied they are a manufactured band, insisting “you can’t manufacture talent”.
We have another phrase that’s perhaps more apt for the Aldi equivalent of Girls Aloud, “you can’t polish a turd.”
The group – comprising Frankie Sandford, Rochelle Wiseman, Vanessa White, Mollie King and Una Healy – shot to fame with their debut single ‘If This Is Love’ and are determined not to be a one-hit wonder.
Una said: “I think that we came along at the right time. People have a negative thing about bands who are put together – they think we are told what to sing and what to wear.
“They say that we are m
anufactured, but you can’t manufacture talent.”
She’s right of course, you can’t manufacture talent. Which is exactly why everyone still thinks they’re shit despite having a small fortune spent on band promotion.
One thing you can manufacture though Una, is Extra Value Meals at McDonald’s and we have a feeling you’ll get your chance soon enough.

• EX-ORDINARY Boys singer Preston has finished work on his first solo album.
The singer has been blogging about his progress and his most recent post revealed he was “getting the artwork done”.
BBM can exclusively give the world’s first review of the album. It’s shit. No we haven’t heard it but, let’s face it, we don’t need to.