Melbourne News Victoria

Kite ban nose dives

F1 chump Mark Webber may have acted like a spoilt brat for calling Victoria a ‘nanny state’ a few months ago, but he did have a point.
A Melbourne council has banned kite-flying in its parks because – well, because they felt like it. Now those caught flying kites or model aircraft without a permit face a $233.64 fine, a slap on the back of the legs, and being sent to their rooms without any dinner by Casey Council.
Outraged resident and mother-of-two Jacqueline Farquhar railed: “This is taking the fun away for children. It’s healthy and it brings families together.”
Meanwhile, Ivan Chisett, president of the Pakenham and District Aircraft and Radio Control Society, and who no doubt still lives with his mum, said: “I’ve been flying model aircraft since I was a child and I’ve never been injured or injured anyone.
“But I have heard of plenty of kids getting injured kicking a footy around or playing cricket. Should we ban those sports? Where does it stop?”

Angry emulsions

WITH animals used to advertise products, it’s no wonder that such perversion of nature confuses us, humans.
Some small-minded folk, for example, believe chimps love nothing more than sitting around a breakfast table in their business suits and drinking tea.
Believe us when we say that the novelty of seeing the BBM advertising team hump on the printer and then throw faces at your computer screen quickly fades. It was the same scenario when we hired chimps to replace them.
But one mystery Melbourne resident was inspired by a different advert altogether – the Dulux dog.
In a long-running neighborhood dispute over barking dogs, an Ormond man took his revenge by pouring paint over a French mastiff puppy.
The dog’s owner, Colm MacGowan, said he had received an anonymous letter in March, warning that “action” would be taken if the dog didn’t stop barking.
Still, it proved that dogs don’t need Pedigree Chum to achieve a glossy coat…

Victoria comes a crop-er after locust plague

AUSSIES are often accused of being bigots. And what with an abundance of flies, an infestation of frogs (well, cane toads really but close enough), livestock death (ever seen all the decomposing cows when driving through the outback?), darkness (culturally and ethically), only a fool would not suspect PM Kevin Rudd of enslaving the Israelites beneath his Sydney Harbour home.
It seems God hit Victoria with one more plague last week as a swarm of locusts flew across the Murray River to munch on the state’s already devastated crops and pasture.
Victoria’s Plague Locust Commissioner Gordon Berg said it’s the most extensive invasion of the insects since 1973/74.
‘’The swarms were dense and they’re adding, of course, to the existing populations in those areas. So it’s not good and they are causing quite significant damage to a range of crops,” said Berg.

Psycho loves a good duck

WHILE most people become doe-eyed at the sight of a puppy, it seems Melburnians just turn angry.
When Shane Black, 50, of Chadstone, took his family to Hedgeley Den Gardens in Malvern East, imagine the family fun as they broke off pieces of bread to feed to the ducks.
But when a playful puppy interrupted the idyllic scene by chasing the ducks and eating the bread, Shane did what any highly disturbed person would have done.
He retrieved a steering wheel lock from his car and punished the puppy’s two female owners by kneecapping one and coldcocking the other on the back of the head, before threatening to kill them both.

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